Thanks to Ayak for the title. Also, if you think this sucks, too bad cause this is my first summary. Also, the only reason Amy's convo with Julie and Dani and Gerry's family segments are so brief is because I didn't get it on tape because the circut which provides electiricity to the room where my VCR is blew at that time.Previously on Big Brother:
-Josh is evicted
-Amy returns to the house
-Amy wins HOH after being told to by the producers
-Chiwhora and Roddy are nominated
-Chiwhora has a fit about how she should be been able to compete in the HOH
-Gerry won the Slip and Slide Veto competition
-Gerry did not use the Power of Veto
-The hamsters got a private concert with Sheryl Crow
Oh good. Its Julie Looking For A Job Next Summer Chen. She recaps the weeks events for her own good forcing us to sit through it. We just saw all the sh*t she’s recapping in the damn preview. Amy came back, she won HOH, she nominated Roddy and The Ho, Gerry won the veto, he didn’t use it, WE KNOW. Thanks for recapping it every 15 seconds. Even the people with a damn memory span of 30 seconds can remember what was just told to us thankyouverymuch.
Julie I’m Not That Bad Chen tells us that Amy’s return “shook up the house!” Shut up. All that sh*t would have happened Amy or no Amy.
In a most exciting event, the houseguests get Sheryl Crow t-shirts and CD’s. FYI SeeBS: the viewers at home could care less. Oh, I forgot, you don’t give a damn about what the viewers want. Why don’t they give them the CD’s AFTER the show? What the hell are they going to do with them now? Danielle in one of her many egotistical moments of the night says that Sheryl “loves me!!” Shut up. She was probably forced to sign those CD’s and crap. She obviously doesn’t watch the show seeing that she didn’t know their names and those CD’s and shirts were probably signed BEFORE she met the houseguests.
Roddy tells The Ho he is preparing himself to leave this week. He tells her not to seek revenge on Amy and company and she says she won’t. Oh, I’m so sure she’s telling the truth. The Ho says that if only Amy didn’t come back, they wouldn’t be on the block. Chiwhora, Chiwhora, Chiwhora…if only you knew how much people in that house hated your guts.
The Ho tells Roddy that Marci will be this weeks swing vote. She says she asked Gerry and Jason to evict her and of course they’ll do whatever their favorite hobag wants. She says that Danielle and Lisa will be evicting Roddy. Of course they will. Because it is perfectly fine for The Ho to backstab anyone she wants to, and they’ll just think it is just peachy keen and they will definetly not evict her. She says Marci will probably evict her at Amy’s request.
Danielle reminds Marci and Lisa that this is game. Thank you Danielle. I never would have known that if it weren’t for you. The three discuss evicting Roddy. Marci says it’s “right in their hearts” to evict Roddy. Whatever…
Marci tells The Ho people lie to her for their game. The Ho does the only natural thing and reports this back to Danielle. Danielle wonders if Marci is “stirring up sh*t” about her. Danielle, don’t condemn someone for doing the exact same thing you do every day.
Roddy says the hamsters would be smart to evict him. However, they aren’t smart. Marci tells Amy that Roddy will be evicted because everyone views him as a threat. Danielle says in the Diary Room that she asked Marci if they should tell Amy that Roddy will be evicted to which Marci responded no. She goes on to say it was extremely obvious that Marci had ended up telling Amy of the hamsters plan to evict Roddy. I’m glad you figured that out Danielle. Amy is concerned that she was “used by the house” and worries that she can’t trust anyone. Danielle says she has compassion for Amy
Jason was called to the Diary Room to vote while Danielle and Amy are still talking. Danielle runs out and tells Jason on his way to the Diary Room to vote “opposite.” Wow Danielle, how smart. How the hell is he supposed to know what you mean? Just mouth the person’s name or something. Jason gets confused and doesn’t know how she should vote.
Oh good. Our favorite Reality TV hostess is back. We have missed her so much. Julie Where’s The Cue Card? Chen says hello to the hamsters. They are oh, so happy to see her. She makes a lameass comment “and then there were eight…” and then laughs at herself. Wow. That. Was. So. Funny. I. Can’t. Contain. Myself.
She asks how it was to see Sheryl Crow and to see new faces. The cue card writers realized Julie Chen isn’t the “new face” the hamsters want to see week after week. Lisa reads a cue card and blabs for like three minutes about how wonderful Sheryl Crow was.
Amy is then asked what she thinks about being back in the house. WTF do you expect her to say? “I fu*kin hate this house and these losers in it. I want to leave.” Marci is asked what he thinks about Amy being back. Once again, what do you expect him to say? “Amy is a fu*kin as**ole hobag and I wanted Titsanya back.” In reality he says he is speechless and Julie thinks this is the most hilarious thing ever. Julie, you need to get out more.
Jason says he is so surprised that he loves everyone so much and everything is grand. Oh please. He would have loved everyone in the house regardless of who was there.
Julie tells everyone that she will talk to Roddy and The Ho later. That’s something for them to look forward to. I’m sure they’ll love your irrelevant questions and terrible interviewing style.
Danielle casts her vote. “Blah…Blah…Blah. Chiara is a ho…Roddy is such a threat. I’ll kill myself if he evicts me. I love them both. Chiara is a backstabber. Blah…Blah…Blah…I vote to evict Roddy.” Gerry casts his vote. “Chiara has good energy, Roddy and I are alpha males. I vote to evict Chiara.”
Julie says a week makes a huge difference. Does she not say that every week? Sex partners since hour one, Roddy and The Ho are the second couple to be nominated together.
Roddy says The Ho has embarrassed him throughout the game. Roddy, you seem like a smart guy. Now why on earth would you want to be with this skank? You most likely already have eight STD’s. He is upset that she flirts with Jason and that she shares sexual stories with the world. What do you expect from such a slutty whore? The Ho tells us she gets away with murder. Wow, how smart. There’s another thing to be used against you on September 3. Roddy says in the Diary Room that The Ho didn’t appreciate his kindness and patience. Well, duh. The only thing she appreciated was your di*k. Roddy and The Ho finally break up. Finally the light bulb lights up for Roddy.They give eachother parting gifts. Roddy goes on about he looks fat in the picture The Ho gave him. She says there is nothing worse then someone’s face when they see a present looks like they smelled a bag of sh*t. First, Chiwhora, there is something worse than that. Her name is Chiara Berti. Second, you are a bag of sh*t so that’s what was up with his face. Roddy gave The Ho a book. She has a fit because it goes against everything she believes in. Apparently, in the book the author gives disapproval to skanky bit*hes.
Julie WTF Is Up With The Decrease In My Salary Chen is back to talk to the “two stars” of tonight’s show, Roddy and The Ho. Julie dearesr, YOU are the star of tonight’s show seeing that your such a Desperate Attention Whore. Get off my damn TV screen. She asks how being nominated together affected their relationship. Roddy and The Ho both tell the other to answer. Julie tells them to not make her choose. SHUT UP!! God, you suck. The both agree that their relationship wasn’t affected. My ass. Someone interrupts The Ho and Julie tells him to let her finish. Julie, let me finish kicking your ass. God, you are so annoying. Roddy says he’s the “Susan Lucci” of the game in regards to being nominated twice. Shut up. Two times isn’t that much. Julie tells The Ho to give her final thoughts. The Ho tells Julie she’s going to make cry. Julie makes me cry every Thursday due to her piss poor hosting skills. The both say like the eight other nominees before them that it’s been a great experience. Julie tells us we will listen to Lisa and Marci’s thoughts as they prepare to vote. Dumbf*ck woman. Jason also gave his thoughts and she skipped over him on her cue card. Jason says both The Ho and Roddy are good players in the game. He says Roddy is a bigger threat. Lisa says Roddy is a big threat and that they both really hurt her feelings, especially The Ho. Marci says The Ho thinks about what’s good for The Ho (which is penis). He says Roddy has been aligned with bad people, like The Ho. He adds that Roddy is a mastermind. We don’t see their votes and right there you know its 4-1.
Danielle loves her husband but they go through hard times. Danielle’s husband says he doesn’t like her talking about how much she misses sex, but he knows he misses it too. Gerry’s wife gives us a house tour. Each room in Mrs. Gerry’s home has a theme. How nice. Thank God we saw this because the show would be incomplete otherwise.
Amy then tells Julie that she didn’t nominate The Ho out of revenge and that she would be very upset if Roddy were to leave.
Julie then announces to the house that by a vote of 4-1 (who would have guessed?) The Ho was evicted. Danielle is ultra pissed. The hamsters all manage to produce fake crocodile tears. The Ho kisses Jason on the lips and then does the only natural thing which is to orgasm and announce how happy she is she got a kiss on the lips from him.
Julie apologizes to The Ho that they only have napkins for her tears. STFU Julie. Say that while you eavesdrop on the houseguests because none of us care. Julie says its tough to make it halfway. How the hell would she know? It is nowhere near as tough as it is for her to keep her job year after year, month after month, week after week, minute after minute. The Ho complains about Amy’s return and how Amy nominated her. Julie just sits there and asks more questions. The Ho would have no problem nominating people if she were the one to return. She says her and Lisa’s friendship grew. Then she gets mad that Lisa evicted her. Oh, grow up. You evicted her too you whore. Paybacks a bi*ch, aint it? Julie asks what The Ho wants to happen with Roddy when he gets out. She replies that there’s more to explore. By that she means so many more ways to have sex that they should explore.
In the most scripted part of the night, everyone including Amy have nice things the producers want them to say about The Ho. Blah, blah, blah, you’re a great friend, so wonderful, I love you, the house won’t be the same, you are so funny and kind, blah, blah, blah. Gerry says The Ho reminds him of his daughter. Wow! Way to compliment your daughter. I’m sure she is glad to have been compared to that skank. If he is telling the truth, he needs to get that girl tested. Jason says he has a crush on The Ho. WTF is wrong with you, Jason? Lisa says she was hurt by The Hoe’s vote against her.
The Hoe’s stepsister Lizzy is there to see her. Expect Lizzy to become Chiwhora Jr. or The Ho Part II. I’m sure Lizzy is thrilled her mother or father married into the skank hoe’s family.
HOH is next. Wow! What a surprise. No, it IS another lameass trivia contest, but it ISN’T recycled from last year! Gerry, Roddy, Danielle, and Lisa get question one wrong. Marci and Jason get question two correct, but Marci gets question three wrong giving HOH to Jason. Danielle is extremely relieved as any dumbass can tell. Everyone congratulates Jason, but pretty much stand around in silence.
Jason is glad he has HOH, but he’s “nervous” about it. Jason being the good Christian boy that he is invited everyone to his room to eat and listen to music. Roddy says he will stay in his nominee chair all week.
Now we eavesdrop on the hamsters. Don’t we do that ever fu*king episode? Isn’t that the point of the damn show?
Roddy mentions no cameras are on and Danielle points to one. He gives something about acting sad or whatever and then says he was kidding. Why would anyone cry for The Ho? Jason says he thought he thought he saw the scary image of Julie Chen. Blah…blah…blah…
