Last week on BB3

* Josh whines

* Tonya feels safe

* Marcellas yells at Tonya for being a B*tch to Amy ( I was hoping for some slapping and hair pulling, instead he shakes his finger and reminds Tonya she is on the block, which is a pretty good slap anyway)

*Tonya and her Fluffy Pillows are voted out

*The Mysterious Roddy is the new Head of household. Who will he nominate? Find out tonight!

Oh the intro is on, has anyone else ever wondered who that eye belongs to? I mean it kinda looks like Julie Chen with a hangover. Oh Wait! This episode is brought to us by Citrona. Yep, that explains it.

We start the show, with Kiki crying into her pillows ( they remind her of Tonya) She misses Tonya, and her shower buddies. (Don't worry Kiki, in a few weeks you will have lots of new shower buddies in the Van Nuys Jail. You should be very popular there)

Day 20

Josh is whining. Josh is pacing. Josh is nervous. Josh tells us his position has not improved. WHAT?? I am shocked! Josh has an alliance, agreement, promise or pact with every member of the house! How could he not be safe?

Amy tells us she is one of Josh's biggest supporters. WHY AMY WHY!?!? Ok, I could understand it if he was cute, I could understand if he was funny, I could understand if he had power, I could understand if was giving you his share of the booze and the cheese.... Oh, Ok, I get it now.

Josh is out on the patio with Kiki , he knows who voted for him. He feels betrayed so he tries to schmooze Kiki by saying he was honest with her.

*Cut to Chiara in the Diary Room*

"Josh can talk til he's Blue, he backstabbed me"

Back on the patio to the heartwarming talk with Josh, who is ( surprise) still whining. " I just need to know where I stand, I have been honest with you"

*Cut to Josh in the Diary Room*

" The momen can't be trusted" ( Hmmm I wonder if his opinion has something to do with the fact that none of the women are sleeping with him?)

Chihora hates Josh, she doesn't trust Josh. So of course she does the only natural thing. She lies down on top of him and lets him fondle her ass a bit.

Kiki is clearly confused, we now see her asking Danielle why she voted for Tonya, she tells Dani that Tonya never should have been put up. (No kidding Kiki, we were all hoping it would be you) Turns out Danielle had no respect for Tonya, this seems to confuse Chiara even more.

Danielle- " 2 down 8 to go"

Replay of last Thursdays Head of Household competition!! WooHoo, this is going to be so clever and exciting! Oh Crap, it's just another lame question and answer thing. If you didn't already see it I'll spare you the suspense, Roddy wins!

For those of you who still can't tell Roddy and Eric apart I am going to help you. The difference is clear.

Roddy- he is the mysterious New Jersey Writer ( I don't know when he became mysterious, but CBS tells me he is, so he must be) Roddy is confident, good looking, smart and funny.( did I mention the blue eyes?)

Eric- he is the Hero Firefighter, who layed his dream job on the line to go on this stupid show ( just a question, with all the good looking , smart, single firefighters in this country; is this guy the best they could do?) Eric is dull, and NOT good looking ( ok from the neck down he looks pretty good, but his face looks like that Pug Dog from Men in Black)

Roddy and Chihora sitting in the hammock. Roddy says he feels like the King, Hora wants to plot and decide who he should nominate, The King isn't having any of it. Chihora- " you said Amy was your biggest threat" Roddy- "No I said Amy was your biggest threat" ( Oh No Kiki looks confused again) Chihora- " You aren't putting up Gerry are you?" Roddy- "Kiki, you have a big booger on your face" Chihora- " Who are we nominating?" Roddy- " I don't know yet, but the Bloodbath is about to begin, do not question the ways of the King"

Gerry is summoned to King Roddy ( OMG! is Gerry picking his shorts out of his BUTT?? *rewind* Ewwww yes he did, he must be on kitchen detail tonight)

* Cut to Marcellas- "Gerry is the Prison B*tch! he goes from strong guy to strong guy playing Prison B*tch" ( well that makes sense, we all know Gerry has a talent for salad tossing)

Roddy declares Gerry to be safe and makes him an official Knight of the HOH, if Gerry keeps him off the thing when he gets the thing ( Huh? I know, but that is exactly what he said) Gerry nods like a B*tch.

Josh and Amy are gossiping in the bedroom. Josh is worried (again) but this time I think he is worried about his Balls. His hand is down his pants, and he appears to be cupping Little Josh and the twins protectively. Amy doesn't notice. AMY!!! How can she not notice? They are plotting about something, not sure what, neither has any power so who cares.

King Rodric and Sir Erod are in the HOH room. They have determined that Josh is paranoid ( Duh!) and they wish he would shut the F*ck up ( no sh*t? what took you guys so long?) Josh must have superpowers because he senses they are whispering about him, so Josh and his Balls enter the room to help with the plotting. Josh- " we are the 3! Look at the 3 of us, we are the 3" Rodic and Erod don't actually agree. Then OMG!!!! Roddy puts his hand down his pants!!!! ( I swear!) What the hell, is it contagious?

Roddy voiceover- " People are starting to break agreements blah blah they are defecting from alliances blah blah they are going back on deals ( WHATEVER, we get it already) I am playing to win this game, I am going to play til the last week. Hey, where's my d*ick?"

Oh goodie!! We get a treat. AB CLASS!!! Dani is playing drill sargent and we get to watch the hamsters work out their tummies!! Wait! Gerry? Oh YUCK. Gerry is doing his own excercise thing in the pool. Gerry is doing some weird kind of sit-ups. Gerry tells us he has decent abs under his fat ( umm ya Ger, me too). Now Gerry is sh*tting in the pool! Oops no wait, those are his sit-ups again. Now he is dogpaddling laps in the Bathtub! Oops, no wait, that is still the pool ( maybe we'll get lucky and he'll practice diving into the hot tub)

Excuse me CBS?? With all the hard bodies in this house, why are you making us watch Gerry huff and puff through this lame work out?

Oh Geeze, even Josh is laughing at him. Gerry tells us he wants to get back his figure. ( can you say Prison B*tch boys and girls?)

Now we come to my favorite part of this episode, Roddy! Turns out Roddy is not only mysterious, he is brilliant too. ( Did I mention his blue eyes?)
Jason tells us Roddy is a walking encyclopedia. What? Jason?? Jason is still on this show? Anyway, Roddy knows all sorts of cool things.
Interesting facts that Roddy knows

*The Moon affects the tides

*Birds fly south in the winter

*Water runs down drains the opposite way south of the equator

*Eastern Standard Time is 3 hours ahead of Pacific time

*Alaska is bigger then Texas ( Yah maybe, but no one lives there so they can't really prove it)

*No human being has more eye boogers then Chiara

Eric tells us that Roddy can talk about religion, politics, sports, science, and history. Eric admits he slept through college and basically knows nothing.
Roddy is also funny, and can do a brilliant impression of Chewbacca ( did I ever tell you guys that Chewbacca lives in my town?)
Even Marcellas is in love with Roddy, he has a "crazy crush" and thinks he is peachy.

Chihora tells us she is closest to Roddy, which explains why we next see her trying to seduce Jason the Amazing Wonder Virgin. She plays with his little "virgin feet", she asks if he has ever touched boobies, she offers to let him touch hers, she.... OK! Enough of this CRAP! she is totally freaking me out with her bad Catholic Priest impersonation. This girl is just WRONG!!

Ahhh the lovebirds, Pug Face and Maria Shriver ( I mean Lisa) are flirting with each other. They agree they both are cute (awwwwww). We get treated to scenes of their blossoming love. Back scratching, pool cuddling, hiney rubbing, secret smooches in the kitchen. It is all so very sweet. Maria ( oops I mean Lisa) says that she kissed him ( Oh do tell Honey)
Then they go to bed ( Night Camera!!), and we hear more of their sweet declarations of Love.

Lisa- " are you getting all hot and bothered?"
Eric- " I am hard as a rock"
Lisa- " do you mind my hand wandering?'
Eric- " groan"

Then Lisa proceeds to give Eric a handjob. ( Oh come on!! You all KNOW that is exactly what happened!) Eric bites her, Lisa sucks his fingers ( Can we get these people some food?!)
Lisa confesses to Eric that she can have an orgasm just from having her belly button fondled. OMG!!!! I just realized we have been looking at her special errogenous zone for the last 3 weeks! ( Ick, I feel all dirty now) Eric decides to do a purely scientific study of proper belly button fondling techniques. Lisa giggles. AAACCCKKK !!!

Lisa in Diary Room - " Don't tell my Dad"

Eric in Diary Room - " I hope my Mom doesn't see this"

HOW STUPID ARE YOU PEOPLE!! ???? YOU WERE HUMPING ON NATIONAL TV!!!

Oh Thank God for a commercial. Blockbuster, finally an entertaining hamster.

Back to the show. Lots of whining about food, complaining about peanut butter, telling us how hungry they are ( Ya, no kidding Eric and Lisa are so hungry they are biting and sucking on each other)

Food Competition!!!!

Batik game. Giant weird shapes with food items on them, fit into the game board, get the food. Blah Blah Blah. They get Sweets ( including alcohol) meat, seafood, poultry, cheese and condiments. Oh and Subway sandwiches all week for lunch!! Ohhhh, maybe Jared will deliver them. This brings up some important questions. Is Jared off his diet? Is it just me or has Jared gotten a real bad attitude lately? They all chow down, and Josh tells us he used to work at Subway when he was in college. Well I learned something new, because I didn't know you had to go to college to become a waiter.

Eric talks in his sleep. Eric talks all night long. Eric tells stories and has conversations in his sleep. The other hamsters think this is so cute, and entertaining. You just know this is gonna get old fast. Here are just some of the funny entertaining things Eric said.

*They put the waterbed in the ocean

*My tough toes tingle

*at some point in time the peanut butter is lined up, there can only be one clump of peanut butter

*Marcelles kissed me

*Eric you are a freak show

Oh Yes, sounds witty to me. Danielle says- "Homeboy talks all night long"

Oh But Eric isn't the only one talking and saying nothing. Gerry is a philosopher of sorts. He is full of quotes (that's not all he is full of). Gerry seems to be using his quotes to enlighten and educate his housemates, therefore making himself more valuable and desirable to them ( hahahahahahahahaha, oops sorry, I am still cracking up over the Prison B*tch thing)

Gerry Quotes

*If a man of great girth does not see his feet, doth he still not walk as others

*if a man speak not to a woman is he still lying

*what man gain the world and lose his soul ( he likes this one ALOT)

*Does the great bear, not sh*t in yonder woods

* all humor is cruelty ( hahahaha he got one right)

Josh is plotting ( again) He is telling Roddy how to play the game. Josh has a brilliant plan. Josh is worried ( again) about "The Group". He knows 2 people in "The Group" voted to evict him. "The Group" cannot trust these 2 people, he wants them punished. Lisa and Kiki must be punished for their desention from "The Group". Well I just want to say Thank God Josh is playing this Game. He is clearly the smartest best strategist there! Why won't anyone listen to his Brilliant Plan? Roddy tells Josh he will think about it.

We cut to the bedroom where Josh is talking to Amy, and OH LORD!!!! He has his hand down his pants again!!! Josh promises Amy that he has a Brilliant Plan that will save her. ( Uh Oh, bye bye Amy)

Josh in the Diary Room- he says he wants the girls gone, and that Rodic and Erod need to start thinking with their heads and not their c*cks. ( Thank goodness Josh's little man is happy with all the attention Josh gives him, he won't be causing any trouble) Josh talks and talks about the nomination, Josh talks about his plan, Josh, on and on and on and on. OK JOSH!! We get it !

Nomination time!

We haer all the houseguests tell us why they think they are going or staying. Whatever! Roddy now explains the process of the nomination, how heartwrenching this is, how permanant. We KNOW!! Tell us who is on the Block! Roddy explains about the box, he explains about the keys. WE KNOW!!!

Nomination ceremony, blah blah blah, pulling out keys, blah blah blah ,Josh is nervously holding his balls again , blah blah blah Lisa looks nervous. Oh the suspense is killing me!!

Amy and Marcellas! WOW WHAT A SHOCK! *yawn*

Amy is shallow, Marcellas is a game player it is all about Strategy.

Amy and Marc in the Diary Room- "They all suck, they are horrible people!"

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