Since I know many of you have busy lives and can’t read a whole summary (or if you think that I am grossly unreadable and want to know what happened) here is a short summary of the week:
Nathan is bitching
Jee is weird
Justin’s shorts stink
The HGs strip for laundry service
Erika wears too much pink
Robert wins POV and doesn’t use it
Julie Chen still sucks
Nathan is still bitching
Nathan’s family is bitching
Nathan is evicted 5-0
Erika wins HOH
Four days of regular food, two days of PB&J
Stooges begin backstabbing
Erika nominates Justin and Robert
TUESDAY
We start off with the aftermath of the Nathan and Jack nominations. Nathan is pissed off with Ali and he has a laundry list of reasons. The reality is that he just feels stupid because Ali used him to get vetoed and is now showing no loyalty. Difficult to imagine that someone with a boyfriend who is making out with everyone in the house is disloyal!
Off to the 3 Stooges - or as they call themselves, the Dream Team (how original). They are pretty happy with themselves and so they should be for making the right nomination choices. It happens so seldom. And a special congrats to Justin for knowing that a 180 degree turn takes you in the opposite direction!
Ali displays her compassion for Nathan being on the block by calling him a big baby and blabs her feelings to the Stooges. Nathan is going on and on with Erika and Jack about how he screwed up by taking Ali off and should have left Dave in the game. Your perspective changes a little when you don’t have boobies in your face, eh Country Boy?
We now get a montage of the weirdness of Jee. Apparently he brushes each tooth and washes each body part exactly 5 times. Wow! This is compelling television. What’s next, a statistical analysis of the bowel movements of the houseguests?
Erika expresses her concerns for not getting any news from the outside world. We then get a clip of Erika, Nathan and Ali discussing Kobe Bryant and how he is such a gentleman and a good family man. Perhaps for a basketball player he is – its all relative.
After some comments about Justin not washing his shorts enough (another hygiene bit?) it is on to the luxury competition. This has to be the most humiliating thing BB has ever done to the HGs. They are all required to wear skimpy bathing suits and while they were being covered in soap suds they had to take off their suits and reveal a letter on the inside and spell a word with it. Jack (of course) had the best quote about this competition: “The real goal of this competition was to see three naked women and I succeeded.” They spelled laundry and won laundry service for the whole house including Justin’s shorts!
All of the HGs tell us how bad Erika dresses. Erika of course thinks she dresses the best. This means that Erika is really trendy and nobody else knows it or she is a big wannabe. Oh – she just admitted that she wants to be Jennifer Lopez. I guess we know the answer now. Her obsession with pink makes me wonder if it is her and not Nathan that bats from the other side of the plate.....
BB now gives the HGs a game called Quoridor, which is hard to describe so I won’t. All of them suspect that a similar game will be used for the veto competition and of course that is in fact the case. Damn – I guess I will have to describe this game. Its basically a chessboard in which you have to get across to the other side one square at a time or you can put up fences to block the others from doing the same. Its a game of strategy which allows ganging up which happened to Nathan as he played against Jun, Justin and Robert. Robert won that match and Jee the second so the outcome of the final between the two winners didn’t really matter but for those of you wagering on the outcome, Robert won POV.
More bitching and whining from Nathan and he tries to get Robert to veto Jack and put up Ali. Robert confesses in the DR that it is tempting as Ali is such a liar and it might send a message. But we all know that isn’t going to happen and Robert buries the POV.
I had no idea that Nick Carter from Backstreet Boys was hosting Cupid. His career went downhill fast.
WEDNESDAY – LIVE SHOW
“Hi, I’m Glitter Chen. I am so skinny that even Harrison Ford won’t have sex with me. Luckily for me, the man I am sleeping with is Chairman of this network otherwise I would be doing coke with a drug dealer named Julio right now! And since the live shows aren’t boring enough, we are also going to have the votes for eviction live!”
More bitching and moaning from Nathan and more gloating from the Stooges. We then get a series of name calling which are pretty much accurate. Ali: untrustworthy. Nathan: big baby. Jun: snake playing both sides. Nathan offers to Justin that he won’t put up any Stooges if he gets spared which gets “considered” *snicker*.
I will spare you the mindless banter between Glitter and the HGs. I feel dumber having listened to it the one time.
It is now time to meet Nathan’s mom and two sisters back in Arkansas. They are busily watching BB4 on their black and white TV as the pigs scramble through the living room. They call him a pretty boy (isn’t that Southern for gay?) and then talk about how masculine he really is. Needless to say, the body shaving didn’t come up at this point. The family loves their little Nathan and they hate that mean Ali and all those other HGs who make fun of their boy! Gah-lee, I better watch out - Mama may come over to my place in her pickup and shotgun after this paragraph.
Julie fights the urge to strip down and rub herself up against the monitor as she interviews Justin. Justin coolly and calmly answers the questions without actually saying anything relevant.
We now learn that Jun is the cook, Erika is the nurturer and Ali is the flirt. Also just in, water is wet. All three women tell us how they do what they like (cook, nurture, flirt) and that it is part of their strategy. Being themselves is part of their strategy. Does that count as an actual strategy? I guess David’s “strategy” was bedding all the women in the house.
Nathan and Jack now get to plead their case. Has one of these pleas ever changed anyone’s vote? I would just love someone to freak out and kluck like a chicken during one of these bits. It is now time to vote to evict - LIVE. That’s right – LIVE.
Robert: “I vote to evict Nathan.”
Jee: “I vote to evict Nathan.”
Ali: “I vote to evict Nathan” (Mama is coming to get you now bitch!)
Jun: “I vote to evict Nathan”
Erika: “I vote to evict Nathan”
Just give them the Emmy now! What drama! So with a 5-0 vote Nathan is evicted and the HGs all fake sympathy as Nathan walks his sorry ass out of the house. He promptly gets lost on his way to meet Julie – I guess the big glass window with Julie standing behind it was confusing for him. Either that or Julie turned sideways and became completely invisible! With her left hand down the front of her pants, Julie interviews Nathan who now acts like a good loser as opposed to the big baby he was all week – until he finds out that he is being sequestered with Buzzard Crotch which causes him to cry uncontrollably.
It is now time for the next HOH competition. It involves 3 raised cages. All 6 HGs cram into the first cage and face outward. They are to stay in there until two people leave at which time they move to the second cage - then on to the final smallest cage for the final two. No food, water, bathroom breaks, or sleeping. This is one of those endurance challenges and we won’t find out who wins until....
SATURDAY
We continue where we left off in the HOH competition with six hamsters in a cage. After Jun and Ali urinate while still in the cage, Robert has had enough and leaves the cage. Jun follows right after Robert after being convinced by the remaining four that she is safe this week. The remaining four move on to the next cage. Jack, Erika and Ali push Jee hard and try and convince him that Robert and Justin will not take him to the finals – in other words, Jee is to the Stooges what Ringo is to the Beatles. Jack leaves next followed by Jee as both of them are too sore and exhausted. After receiving an assurance she wouldn’t be put up, Ali soon follows and Erika wins HOH. Jee then spends the rest of the evening groveling to his two masters for not staying in the cage longer.
Time for the food competition which is a Hawaiian clam bake from hell. Now the HGs now how those of watching this crap feel. Each HG gets a day of the week and each has to eat a gross food item in one minute or it is PB&J for that day. If you have ever watched Fear Factor, this is a good time to go for a bathroom break or make a snack because you will have seen this before. For those of you gambling on the outcome, the results are as follows:
Jun – Friday – succeeds
Justin – Saturday – fails
Jack – Sunday – succeeds
Robert – Monday – succeeds
Ali – Tuesday – fails (she surprisingly doesn’t swallow)
Jee – Wednesday – succeeds
Highlight of this competition had to be Ali stating “You can’t penetrate rubber with your teeth.” I believe her, after all she is an expert on where rubber is supposed to penetrate.
Now that the games are over, we get to see the HGs working out due to the sheer boredom of living in the house. Robert and Jun are the butt of the workout jokes – Robert due to his continually thin frame and Jun for moaning and panting during her exercises. My lack of reflexes on the mute button means that horrible sound will haunt me forever!
Time for strategy talk. Jee tells Justin they should try and work it so Robert leaves as he hasn’t done as much for the group as Justin and Jee have. Well, besides winning the last two POVs. Later Jee and Robert tell Ali that she could replace Justin in the Stooges if he gets voted out. Apparently, it wouldn’t be Jun as she goes back and forth too much. And Ali doesn’t? The Stooges went from gloating about how powerful they are to stabbing each other in the back real fast.
To conclude the week, Erika calls the nomination meeting and to the surprise of absolutely nobody puts up Justin and Robert. Two good nominations in a row – maybe these idiots are finally learning how to play this game. But wait the new twist is coming up on Wednesday which could change everything. Hopefully for us the viewer, the twist will involve Glitter revealing that she is in fact an android.
